Do you ever have a morning where you know better than to open your mouth? A moment where you know it's just better to just "button it" than to speak any more? This morning, much to my regret, my less-than-stellar parenting skills were on raging display.. damn.
I've got lots of great quotes about kids/parenting - about teaching through actions instead of words; about walking away because, as tough as it is, a lifetime without your kids is unbearable; about their laughter and smiles. And, I did walk away. I took deep breaths. I spoke calmly, stern, but calm. After nearly an hour and a half of crying from my newly 6 year old son, I lost it. His pants didn't fit right - "So go and put a different pair of pants on." His belt was too tight - "Make it looser then." His glasses didn't feel the same behind his ears - "I'm sorry. They were fine last night though." His socks felt funny - "What would you like Me to do about that?" There's sand in his shoes - "Dump It Out!" Nothing, NOTHING would make him happy. And, it was "too hard" to stop crying.
So, the 6 year old in me came out. I screamed. I yelled. I pouted. I slammed doors. I cried a little.
And now, after dropping my three "gifts from God" at school.. The shame and guilt has set in full force. It's no wonder my 10 year old has no patience and speaks to me in ways that, if I'd tried it, would have resulted in my death at his age. "Actions speak louder than words." Ouch. It's mornings like this that make me feel like such a failure as a parent. I am so disappointed in myself, and I am so sorry that my children are subjected to my bad behavior.. behavior that they get grounded for.. I guess I should ground myself.
My "gifts from God" ~
I have a 10 year old son with the best laugh you could ever hear. He loves to ride his bike, has a talent for drawing and taekwondo. He has a mild form of Tourettes that, looking back, first surfaced when he was about 3 or 4. Even though he fights with his sister and brother on a daily basis, he is fiercely protective of them also.
My 8 year old daughter is too smart for her own good. She is always writing stories (and elaborating on events from her day..) and drawing pictures. She has a wild imagination. She's a picky eater, but enjoys other forms of adventure and is outside as often as she can be. My little girl is a budding ballerina, debuting on the "big stage" in a university's production of The Nutcracker this last Christmas.
Last, but not least, is my newly 6 year old son. He is my "huggy bear." He has a smile that makes his eyes crinkle.. You can't help but smile with him. He loves all things in the outdoors from bike riding to bugs. He can be very stubborn, but oh so sweet also. He's at the age where everything is still exciting and everything is an opportunity for fun.
My babies.. they are gifts. God blessed me with three beautiful children that are teaching me everyday that I still have a lot to learn. I hope that, through all my childish moments, they understand that I love them so deeply.
No comments:
Post a Comment