It just seems 'wrong' somehow. It feels like something is 'off' now.
It has been a week since my fantastically big family gathered in the ICU, while more of us were on the roads leading "home," and still more of us began making plans to travel. It was a shock to all of us. It was supposed to be a pacemaker.. then recovery.. then home.
And, instead, we said goodbye.
I've done this before.. on the other side of the family.. and "home" we came then also. I was blessed with three precious days to sit bedside before my grandmother passed. I had time to process what was coming, time to hold her hand, time to tell her how much I love her.. Time to prepare for what I knew what was coming. Three of the hardest days I have ever had, but three of the most special days ever. We knew what was coming.
This is so different though. I didn't have time to process and prepare.
We didn't see this coming until it was upon us.
I saw him Thursday. We chatted about mom's practical joke on a customer, my upcoming Zumba Halloween party, my kids, how he felt.. and that was the last time I saw him. I got to see him smile and laugh a little. We shared a couple hugs, and I gave him a kiss with an "I Love You" before I left..
It was supposed to be a pacemaker and home.. but we don't call the shots. We don't know the 'master plan.' All I can do now, all anyone can do, is hold tight to memories and have faith that there is more than this life.
But, it still feels wrong.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
A Hug
Some people are just plain good for your soul ~ Mrs. Bishop (and of course I never ever really call her that..) is one of those people.
She came in to pay her bill today, and I recognized her as soon as she walked in the door even though it had been years since I'd seen her. I had to hug her. I almost cried. So much love for her and her family.
Her house was one where I spent many weekends. Her daughter was my best friend, my other half.. we did Everything together. Seeing her today brought back a wave of happy memories ~ hours playing in a little upstairs bedroom that I found magical, adventures in the hay loft of the barn, "pool building" in the driveway (only Mr. Bishop didn't think that was as cool as we did). It was such a huge part of my childhood, my second family.
But, when we were 10 everything changed. I learned of loss.. We'd planned a sleepover. She had come and hand delivered the homemade invitation. I'd packed my bags.. Then my dad, a volunteer on the towns fire/emergency department, got a call. He wasn't needed for the run and came home.. We later found out about a fallen tree that wasn't seen in time. I didn't unpack my barn of My Little Ponies for quite a while.. I didn't play with them again until my daughter found them in my closet.
Today, I got to hug my best friend's mother. For a little while, I was a little girl again.
She came in to pay her bill today, and I recognized her as soon as she walked in the door even though it had been years since I'd seen her. I had to hug her. I almost cried. So much love for her and her family.
Her house was one where I spent many weekends. Her daughter was my best friend, my other half.. we did Everything together. Seeing her today brought back a wave of happy memories ~ hours playing in a little upstairs bedroom that I found magical, adventures in the hay loft of the barn, "pool building" in the driveway (only Mr. Bishop didn't think that was as cool as we did). It was such a huge part of my childhood, my second family.
But, when we were 10 everything changed. I learned of loss.. We'd planned a sleepover. She had come and hand delivered the homemade invitation. I'd packed my bags.. Then my dad, a volunteer on the towns fire/emergency department, got a call. He wasn't needed for the run and came home.. We later found out about a fallen tree that wasn't seen in time. I didn't unpack my barn of My Little Ponies for quite a while.. I didn't play with them again until my daughter found them in my closet.
Today, I got to hug my best friend's mother. For a little while, I was a little girl again.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Down the Elk River
I spent the past weekend with some amazing friends on our third annual float down the Elk River. It was an adults only kind of weekend that I've come to look forward to - Quality time with my husband.. Quality time with friends.. Lots of laughs and many memories made.
As with last year, the water was low and the floating was interrupted by some 'manual labor' in the form of pushing and/or dragging our rafts. We were prepared for this though. Thanks to Mother Nature being stingy with the rain over the past year, we knew there would be 'work' involved with our relaxing float.
This year, however, was a little different. This year 'reality' entered our weekend get-away. Let's just say that we all planned to finish the 5-mile float back at the resort, all together.. not after watching one of our group members and spouse leave with the EMS. That was a first for us. I'll mention now that our friend is fine and was back at the cabin as dark was falling. The doctors did plenty of tests to cover all bases. It was a happy ending to a scary stop about half-way through our float.
After some reflection, I'd like to share a few 'lessons' from my experience down the Elk River ~
Good friends, good food, good times..
I'm so lucky to be a part of such a great group of friends ~ A special thank you to the wonderful strangers who stopped to help our group.. White Bikini, 'Duck Dynasty,' Nurse 1 and Nurse 2, Two Overwhelmed Guys, and several others. Hopefully, we won't need any assistance on future floats.
Side note - I should mention that the members in our group were amazing also. You know who you are!
As with last year, the water was low and the floating was interrupted by some 'manual labor' in the form of pushing and/or dragging our rafts. We were prepared for this though. Thanks to Mother Nature being stingy with the rain over the past year, we knew there would be 'work' involved with our relaxing float.
This year, however, was a little different. This year 'reality' entered our weekend get-away. Let's just say that we all planned to finish the 5-mile float back at the resort, all together.. not after watching one of our group members and spouse leave with the EMS. That was a first for us. I'll mention now that our friend is fine and was back at the cabin as dark was falling. The doctors did plenty of tests to cover all bases. It was a happy ending to a scary stop about half-way through our float.
After some reflection, I'd like to share a few 'lessons' from my experience down the Elk River ~
- Make sure you are taking care of yourself, take time for what You need. Prescription glasses (or whatever else) can be replaced.. You, however, cannot.
- Watch your step. Tread carefully along the rocky path.. You never know when your footing will shift, or the current will change, or a huge rock will unexpectedly and painfully find your big toe.
- Keep your friends close, old and new. They will be there when you stumble.
- When push comes to shove (quite literally in our case), you really do learn a lot about a person.
- There are many wonderful people in the world who are ready and willing to step up - Angels in disguise are everywhere.
Good friends, good food, good times..
I'm so lucky to be a part of such a great group of friends ~ A special thank you to the wonderful strangers who stopped to help our group.. White Bikini, 'Duck Dynasty,' Nurse 1 and Nurse 2, Two Overwhelmed Guys, and several others. Hopefully, we won't need any assistance on future floats.
Side note - I should mention that the members in our group were amazing also. You know who you are!
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
It's Time.. Again
I'm doing it again. I'm cheating again. I'm letting mindless eating take over again.
And it's time it stopped.. again. It's time to be real about this.. again.
Some random weight points from my past to be "real" -
12/5/00 - 190 lbs - 9 mo. pregnant.. the day I delivered my first born son.
1?/??/02 - 140something - first months of 2nd pregnancy, after doing Weight Watchers.
10/7/09 - 190 lbs - NOT 9 months pregnant.. 4 1/2 years after my 3rd child was born.
3/3/10 - 184 lbs - starting weight for my first Biggest Loser Challenge.. I didn't record my results.
1/4/11 - 180 lbs - "Beginning Measurements" listed in my book.. what for though, I'm not sure.
1/20/12 - 176 lbs - start of my 2nd Biggest Loser Challenge
3/16/12 - 165 lbs - end of Biggest Loser, Thanks to SparkPeople for your free food tracker!
4/20/12 - 168 lbs - I'm struggling to maintain.. let alone drop the rest of what I want to drop..
Obviously my stint with Weight Watchers worked GREAT! Too bad my doctor told me, being pregnant and all, that it would be a good idea to start gaining some weight.. *sigh* Read that with the "Real" - Too bad I took what my doctor said as a free pass to gain weight by eating whatever I wanted.
So, my problem is that I ... *sigh* The problem is that I don't put ME before myself. That makes no real sense, unless you've been there. I let my emotions drive my eating. I impulse eat with any emotion, ANY emotion. And the worst part is that once I eat something I know I shouldn't, I get so angry with myself that I punish myself by Eating More! The last couple weeks have been very on-again/off-again. I am so TIRED of getting started AGAIN.. Tired of doing so well and staying on track only to go back to my bad habits
Yesterday was a particularly bad day. I gave in to boredom, to temptation.. and then to the disappointment of giving in. I'm weak. I have no real willpower. And.. this is part of the real problem. I am Fantastic at putting myself down. That needs to change.
Workout Girl, a Facebook friend that I've never met, posted yesterday morning that "..it's May. I need to pull my head out of Angry Fat Girl's butt and 1) stop eating like crap, 2) stop making excuses, and 3) GET MOVING!!" (http://www.facebook.com/goworkoutgirl)
In the moments after reading that post, I did NOT eat a piece of chocolate. I chewed a piece of gum. Three hours later, home with the kids.. and the food.. I ate NERDS. And Cheetos.
So. It's May. I need to 1) stop eating crap, 2) stop making excuses, and 3) Respect ME enough to take care of ME. Official goals for May: Add two "weight" exercises to my week (I work at home in that department.. so Pinterest here I come to find some core and legs/rear workouts). Add daily yoga (at least 15 min at the end of the day to find my calm). Drop 6 pounds (that's 1.5 a week.. and I refuse to "lose" it because I refuse to "find" it again!).
It's time.. again.
Workout Girl - We've GOT THIS!!
And it's time it stopped.. again. It's time to be real about this.. again.
Some random weight points from my past to be "real" -
12/5/00 - 190 lbs - 9 mo. pregnant.. the day I delivered my first born son.
1?/??/02 - 140something - first months of 2nd pregnancy, after doing Weight Watchers.
10/7/09 - 190 lbs - NOT 9 months pregnant.. 4 1/2 years after my 3rd child was born.
3/3/10 - 184 lbs - starting weight for my first Biggest Loser Challenge.. I didn't record my results.
1/4/11 - 180 lbs - "Beginning Measurements" listed in my book.. what for though, I'm not sure.
1/20/12 - 176 lbs - start of my 2nd Biggest Loser Challenge
3/16/12 - 165 lbs - end of Biggest Loser, Thanks to SparkPeople for your free food tracker!
4/20/12 - 168 lbs - I'm struggling to maintain.. let alone drop the rest of what I want to drop..
Obviously my stint with Weight Watchers worked GREAT! Too bad my doctor told me, being pregnant and all, that it would be a good idea to start gaining some weight.. *sigh* Read that with the "Real" - Too bad I took what my doctor said as a free pass to gain weight by eating whatever I wanted.
So, my problem is that I ... *sigh* The problem is that I don't put ME before myself. That makes no real sense, unless you've been there. I let my emotions drive my eating. I impulse eat with any emotion, ANY emotion. And the worst part is that once I eat something I know I shouldn't, I get so angry with myself that I punish myself by Eating More! The last couple weeks have been very on-again/off-again. I am so TIRED of getting started AGAIN.. Tired of doing so well and staying on track only to go back to my bad habits
Yesterday was a particularly bad day. I gave in to boredom, to temptation.. and then to the disappointment of giving in. I'm weak. I have no real willpower. And.. this is part of the real problem. I am Fantastic at putting myself down. That needs to change.
Workout Girl, a Facebook friend that I've never met, posted yesterday morning that "..it's May. I need to pull my head out of Angry Fat Girl's butt and 1) stop eating like crap, 2) stop making excuses, and 3) GET MOVING!!" (http://www.facebook.com/goworkoutgirl)
In the moments after reading that post, I did NOT eat a piece of chocolate. I chewed a piece of gum. Three hours later, home with the kids.. and the food.. I ate NERDS. And Cheetos.
So. It's May. I need to 1) stop eating crap, 2) stop making excuses, and 3) Respect ME enough to take care of ME. Official goals for May: Add two "weight" exercises to my week (I work at home in that department.. so Pinterest here I come to find some core and legs/rear workouts). Add daily yoga (at least 15 min at the end of the day to find my calm). Drop 6 pounds (that's 1.5 a week.. and I refuse to "lose" it because I refuse to "find" it again!).
It's time.. again.
Workout Girl - We've GOT THIS!!
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Months of Mad
My son has Tourette's Syndrome. He can be a little twitchy at times. And, he can make some strange noises at other times. No, he doesn't scream out swear words (actually a rare form of TS). He was diagnosed in 1st Grade and started medication due to a particularly painful and persistent tic. Looking back, we noticed tics when he was around 3 years old.. we just didn't know what we were seeing. I just thought my little boy liked to jump when he walked :) We're pretty lucky really.. it is Very mild in his case. He has long periods of time without any tics at the moment, at least periods without tics that cause him any trouble. I'm mom. I notice what most others wouldn't.
It's been a learning experience for us all. Patience, acceptance, understanding..
We've had our challenges.
He had a bad reaction to the last medication we had him on, and he was just plain Mean for the better part of nine months - he'd have rage attacks that were at a level I just knew were not normal for my 9/10 year old child. Anything could trigger his anger, and when he got mad He Got REALLY Mad. I could almost physically feel myself building a wall up between myself and him to protect myself from his glares and verbal jabs... which of course only made me feel worse - Like a HORRIBLE mom (I mean, Who DOES that?! Build a wall from their child!?.. except a horrible mom..).
So, we decided to take him off the medication for now. And, almost five months after his last dose on Christmas morning, I feel like I have my son back. I remember the day I realized he was "back" ~ He was doing dishes, a chore that ALWAYS caused intense conflict. I checked the dishwasher when he was "finished" and called him back up to explain that he needed to get more of the dishes into the still half-empty dishwasher. I felt that guard come up, I expected the anger to come, the glares and yelling.. and it didn't come. He dropped his head and SAID SORRY!! He apologized for not finishing, and he proceeded to empty the sink, rinsing the food off the dishes as he went.
That was the end of January, we're now nearing the end of April. Things are better. My son is happier, kinder, more helpful, more understanding. He smiles more and gives me random and unexpected hugs.. long hugs with an "I love you, mom." We have moments still, and I'm sure he'll have plenty more angry moments to come that are Not medicine induced... He is a pre-teen boy after all. It's taking time to get past the hurt on both our parts. I responded to his rage in ways I am NOT proud of. I was hurt, but I hurt him too... and I'm the adult, the mom, who knew better. It's taking time to build back that trust between us and get that closeness back.
I can't say that I did many thing "right" during his time on that medication, but I can let you know what I WISH I had done.. I wish I'd not yelled so much. I wish I'd walked away more (because I walk away from fights with everyone.. except my child apparently *sigh*). I wish I'd hugged him more once he'd calmed down and told him I loved him and would always love him. I wish I'd found a way to be silent and calm during his outbursts. I wish I'd have held my tears in until he was out of the room.. at least most of the time anyway. I wish I'd let him know that I still thought he was a great kid, because I did, and I do.. In those moments though, I was just too hurt and sad and angry and uncertain and worried to feel love and pride.
Valentine's day, 2012 ~ I picked the kids up from school like I always do.. And my son came up and handed me a watch. A watch he'd "bought" for me for Valentine's day with his AR points that day at school. He spent his hard-earned points on a gift for ME. His idea. I still tear up thinking about that moment. I will keep the watch forever. And I will remember the moment that this great kid God entrusted to me gave me such a wonderful gift ~ his love.
It's been a learning experience for us all. Patience, acceptance, understanding..
We've had our challenges.
He had a bad reaction to the last medication we had him on, and he was just plain Mean for the better part of nine months - he'd have rage attacks that were at a level I just knew were not normal for my 9/10 year old child. Anything could trigger his anger, and when he got mad He Got REALLY Mad. I could almost physically feel myself building a wall up between myself and him to protect myself from his glares and verbal jabs... which of course only made me feel worse - Like a HORRIBLE mom (I mean, Who DOES that?! Build a wall from their child!?.. except a horrible mom..).
So, we decided to take him off the medication for now. And, almost five months after his last dose on Christmas morning, I feel like I have my son back. I remember the day I realized he was "back" ~ He was doing dishes, a chore that ALWAYS caused intense conflict. I checked the dishwasher when he was "finished" and called him back up to explain that he needed to get more of the dishes into the still half-empty dishwasher. I felt that guard come up, I expected the anger to come, the glares and yelling.. and it didn't come. He dropped his head and SAID SORRY!! He apologized for not finishing, and he proceeded to empty the sink, rinsing the food off the dishes as he went.
That was the end of January, we're now nearing the end of April. Things are better. My son is happier, kinder, more helpful, more understanding. He smiles more and gives me random and unexpected hugs.. long hugs with an "I love you, mom." We have moments still, and I'm sure he'll have plenty more angry moments to come that are Not medicine induced... He is a pre-teen boy after all. It's taking time to get past the hurt on both our parts. I responded to his rage in ways I am NOT proud of. I was hurt, but I hurt him too... and I'm the adult, the mom, who knew better. It's taking time to build back that trust between us and get that closeness back.
I can't say that I did many thing "right" during his time on that medication, but I can let you know what I WISH I had done.. I wish I'd not yelled so much. I wish I'd walked away more (because I walk away from fights with everyone.. except my child apparently *sigh*). I wish I'd hugged him more once he'd calmed down and told him I loved him and would always love him. I wish I'd found a way to be silent and calm during his outbursts. I wish I'd have held my tears in until he was out of the room.. at least most of the time anyway. I wish I'd let him know that I still thought he was a great kid, because I did, and I do.. In those moments though, I was just too hurt and sad and angry and uncertain and worried to feel love and pride.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
The Accountability Factor
8 Weeks
19 Teams of 4 Men and Women
1,067 POUNDS Lost
Kingman's Biggest Loser challenge came to a close last Wednesday with GREAT success for so many contestants. My team landed in the middle of the bunch, which is a fine place as far as I'm concerned. We all dropped pounds. We all made healthy changes to our lives. I managed to maintain a loss each week. Well, there was one week that I only showed a 1/4 pound loss.. which rounded to a good ol' goose egg. I didn't gain though - That was my personal goal: To NOT show a gain during the competition. And I did it :)
My Totals ~
12 Pounds GONE
Measurements (well, check back this evening.. I'll add them in once I get home to my record book..) I've lost some inches.. That much I know for sure.
The past seven days.. *sigh* THAT was the Biggest Challenge so far. The "Don't let my team down!" is gone. The pressure of another person looking at the number on the scale is gone. The accountability falls on ME.. and that has generally been very counter-productive in the past. My mental body image doesn't exactly match the 'me' I see in the mirror (however, it is getting closer).. so, my head says, "Sure you can have another bowl of mac-n-cheese. Oh, and a brownie, sure. That's okay too. Heck, have another 'cause they are SO Yummy!" But, in my heart, I know I cannot continue with the "food rebellion" of the past week. I need to get back to the healthier habits of the previous eight weeks. The healthier habits that were soooooo much easier to stick with when I had my team counting on me, when it was more than just me I had to answer to.
I won't lie. I very seriously debated on whether or not I'd step on the scale this morning. It is Wednesday after all. And, for the last eight weeks that meant a weigh-in. I wasn't sure I had the courage to see how my rebellious week had effected me. If you only knew the treats I indulged in.. the extra helpings.. the late night snacking.. I did it though. I woke up and got on the scale like I'd done every week for the last eight weeks for my team. The only difference was that this time I woke up and got on the scale for me, and for my family, for my children. I did it so I would know what I needed to do to get back to where I'd been, and to take the first step to continue on the path that had only begun with the Biggest Loser challenge. The real challenge started last Wednesday, the Solo challenge if you will. The hard part for me is continuing on when the only person I really have to answer to is me.
When I stepped on my Wii Fit scale and the wonderfully mean and sarcastic machine dramatically said, "OH!".. I was scared. I was bracing myself for a big gain. I ran a mental checklist of all the sweets and carb-laden meals I'd eaten, that Pepsi I'd gulped down, all the "off limit" foods I'd consumed.. I took a deep breath and waited for the line to stop going up. And it stopped lower than I'd expected! It did go up from last Wednesday, but only up 2 1/2 pounds. I can get that off easy enough. *relieved sigh* I didn't derail my progress as badly as I thought.
I CAN do this. I CAN make healthy choices. And when I indulge my sweet tooth, like I know I will from time to time, I can move forward. I can do this for me, for my health, for my family.
So, onwards I go.
19 Teams of 4 Men and Women
1,067 POUNDS Lost
Kingman's Biggest Loser challenge came to a close last Wednesday with GREAT success for so many contestants. My team landed in the middle of the bunch, which is a fine place as far as I'm concerned. We all dropped pounds. We all made healthy changes to our lives. I managed to maintain a loss each week. Well, there was one week that I only showed a 1/4 pound loss.. which rounded to a good ol' goose egg. I didn't gain though - That was my personal goal: To NOT show a gain during the competition. And I did it :)
My Totals ~
12 Pounds GONE
Measurements (well, check back this evening.. I'll add them in once I get home to my record book..) I've lost some inches.. That much I know for sure.
The past seven days.. *sigh* THAT was the Biggest Challenge so far. The "Don't let my team down!" is gone. The pressure of another person looking at the number on the scale is gone. The accountability falls on ME.. and that has generally been very counter-productive in the past. My mental body image doesn't exactly match the 'me' I see in the mirror (however, it is getting closer).. so, my head says, "Sure you can have another bowl of mac-n-cheese. Oh, and a brownie, sure. That's okay too. Heck, have another 'cause they are SO Yummy!" But, in my heart, I know I cannot continue with the "food rebellion" of the past week. I need to get back to the healthier habits of the previous eight weeks. The healthier habits that were soooooo much easier to stick with when I had my team counting on me, when it was more than just me I had to answer to.
I won't lie. I very seriously debated on whether or not I'd step on the scale this morning. It is Wednesday after all. And, for the last eight weeks that meant a weigh-in. I wasn't sure I had the courage to see how my rebellious week had effected me. If you only knew the treats I indulged in.. the extra helpings.. the late night snacking.. I did it though. I woke up and got on the scale like I'd done every week for the last eight weeks for my team. The only difference was that this time I woke up and got on the scale for me, and for my family, for my children. I did it so I would know what I needed to do to get back to where I'd been, and to take the first step to continue on the path that had only begun with the Biggest Loser challenge. The real challenge started last Wednesday, the Solo challenge if you will. The hard part for me is continuing on when the only person I really have to answer to is me.
When I stepped on my Wii Fit scale and the wonderfully mean and sarcastic machine dramatically said, "OH!".. I was scared. I was bracing myself for a big gain. I ran a mental checklist of all the sweets and carb-laden meals I'd eaten, that Pepsi I'd gulped down, all the "off limit" foods I'd consumed.. I took a deep breath and waited for the line to stop going up. And it stopped lower than I'd expected! It did go up from last Wednesday, but only up 2 1/2 pounds. I can get that off easy enough. *relieved sigh* I didn't derail my progress as badly as I thought.
I CAN do this. I CAN make healthy choices. And when I indulge my sweet tooth, like I know I will from time to time, I can move forward. I can do this for me, for my health, for my family.
So, onwards I go.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Please, don't pick on my girl.
The following is not the original post. This mamma overreacted to a very upset, and a bit over-dramatic nine year old. I wrote in haste, but I'm not sorry for overreacting. I would rather be the kind of mother that overreacts than the kind of mother that downplays events that are upsetting to my child. Yes, I should have talked more to her before writing. The point I was trying to make remains the same.. I'll hopefully do a better job of making that point this time around.
Being a kid is tough. This nine to ten year old range .. where everyone is "coming into their own" and finding their "place in life" is rough on kids. I hate having to see my kids going through the struggle of growing up. I hate not being able to take their pain away. I hate knowing that MY kids are being picked on. I Hate It. And the worst part is, I'm pretty confident that it's not going to get easier for a while.. We've not yet entered the teenage years..
My daughter is a bright, funny nine year old who loves to dance and draw and learn. She's got a knack for writing some pretty creative short stories full of detail and is pretty open to anything "girl." I'm probably a bit biased, but what mother isn't. I also know that she can be very headstrong and uncooperative at times. She's never really had a problem making friends.. so, when she came to me and to her father last week saying that she felt like she only has two friends in her small class, we were concerned. When she wasn't feeling better a few days later.. When she, in tears, told us about her day, we were concerned.
She'd had some problems with a couple classmates making comments to her and the two friends mentioned for some time. We have talked, my husband and I explained about ignoring them.. not giving them the pleasure of knowing they'd upset her and her friends.. advice given by other parents and teachers as well. We encouraged her to talk to us ANY time she needed to. "Ignore them" and "It will pass" only offer up so much comfort to nine year old girls though. The comments from those classmates, coupled with a fight with another friend became too much for her, and she broke down. Suddenly she "only had two friends." Little things became big things.. but, some of those little things continue to happen. She overreacted.. she's been known to do that. But, when you hear hurtful comments and get dirty looks on a fairly regular basis, who wouldn't overreact.
After hearing and seeing her so upset, stories of all the young children bullied at school rushed forward. It was just a flash, a gasp of "what if".. Stories of children who felt it was better not to live because of how they were treated at school. Stories of parents who felt their children were handling things, but were blindsided by the gravity of the situation. I Do NOT want to be one of those parents. I feel Very confident that my children will be able to work out any problems that come their way and that they'll come to us when they need help. I honestly don't feel the need to be concerned for their safety, but neither did those other parents.
Before you read more into that, I don't mean to make a bad week at school sound like we're on the verge of something so dark.. I am not saying that. I only mean to say listen to what your children are saying to you. Listen and, yes, take the time to find out exactly what is going on. Listen and truly hear what they are saying and take the actions that are needed. Take your children's concerns seriously. Bullying comes in many forms and can be found anywhere, at any age. I know that what my daughter and her friends are going through is nowhere Near the levels other kids experience. But I also know that, as a parent, any bullying is too much.
When she was feeling at her lowest, as I tucked my daughter into bed.. I leaned over to give her a hug and a kiss, tell her I loved her. I wrapped her blanket up around her and scooted her pillow over so it wasn't hanging off the bed. I reminded her, again, that her bed was for her and not all her stuffed animals and dolls.. "I know, but they're my friends. I can tell them my secrets... and they aren't mean to me."
My heart broke for her. What mother wouldn't want to take action at that point?
It was after that comment that I wrote the first post.. I hurt for my daughter, and I wrote out my worries... I should have waited to learn more, but I was a mother reacting. Things have been better at school. The light that was gone for a time has returned...
And still, my point is the same..
Listen, Hear, take the time to understand, and do what needs to be done to protect your children.
Please, don't pick on my girl. She's a great girl who's just trying to find her place and stand up for her friends in this crazy world, full of change and adjustments, she's living in.
Being a kid is tough. This nine to ten year old range .. where everyone is "coming into their own" and finding their "place in life" is rough on kids. I hate having to see my kids going through the struggle of growing up. I hate not being able to take their pain away. I hate knowing that MY kids are being picked on. I Hate It. And the worst part is, I'm pretty confident that it's not going to get easier for a while.. We've not yet entered the teenage years..
My daughter is a bright, funny nine year old who loves to dance and draw and learn. She's got a knack for writing some pretty creative short stories full of detail and is pretty open to anything "girl." I'm probably a bit biased, but what mother isn't. I also know that she can be very headstrong and uncooperative at times. She's never really had a problem making friends.. so, when she came to me and to her father last week saying that she felt like she only has two friends in her small class, we were concerned. When she wasn't feeling better a few days later.. When she, in tears, told us about her day, we were concerned.
She'd had some problems with a couple classmates making comments to her and the two friends mentioned for some time. We have talked, my husband and I explained about ignoring them.. not giving them the pleasure of knowing they'd upset her and her friends.. advice given by other parents and teachers as well. We encouraged her to talk to us ANY time she needed to. "Ignore them" and "It will pass" only offer up so much comfort to nine year old girls though. The comments from those classmates, coupled with a fight with another friend became too much for her, and she broke down. Suddenly she "only had two friends." Little things became big things.. but, some of those little things continue to happen. She overreacted.. she's been known to do that. But, when you hear hurtful comments and get dirty looks on a fairly regular basis, who wouldn't overreact.
After hearing and seeing her so upset, stories of all the young children bullied at school rushed forward. It was just a flash, a gasp of "what if".. Stories of children who felt it was better not to live because of how they were treated at school. Stories of parents who felt their children were handling things, but were blindsided by the gravity of the situation. I Do NOT want to be one of those parents. I feel Very confident that my children will be able to work out any problems that come their way and that they'll come to us when they need help. I honestly don't feel the need to be concerned for their safety, but neither did those other parents.
Before you read more into that, I don't mean to make a bad week at school sound like we're on the verge of something so dark.. I am not saying that. I only mean to say listen to what your children are saying to you. Listen and, yes, take the time to find out exactly what is going on. Listen and truly hear what they are saying and take the actions that are needed. Take your children's concerns seriously. Bullying comes in many forms and can be found anywhere, at any age. I know that what my daughter and her friends are going through is nowhere Near the levels other kids experience. But I also know that, as a parent, any bullying is too much.
When she was feeling at her lowest, as I tucked my daughter into bed.. I leaned over to give her a hug and a kiss, tell her I loved her. I wrapped her blanket up around her and scooted her pillow over so it wasn't hanging off the bed. I reminded her, again, that her bed was for her and not all her stuffed animals and dolls.. "I know, but they're my friends. I can tell them my secrets... and they aren't mean to me."
My heart broke for her. What mother wouldn't want to take action at that point?
It was after that comment that I wrote the first post.. I hurt for my daughter, and I wrote out my worries... I should have waited to learn more, but I was a mother reacting. Things have been better at school. The light that was gone for a time has returned...
And still, my point is the same..
Listen, Hear, take the time to understand, and do what needs to be done to protect your children.
Please, don't pick on my girl. She's a great girl who's just trying to find her place and stand up for her friends in this crazy world, full of change and adjustments, she's living in.
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