It's Time.. Again

I'm doing it again.  I'm cheating again.  I'm letting mindless eating take over again.
And it's time it stopped.. again.  It's time to be real about this.. again.

Some random weight points from my past to be "real" -

12/5/00  - 190 lbs - 9 mo. pregnant.. the day I delivered my first born son.
1?/??/02 - 140something - first months of 2nd pregnancy, after doing Weight Watchers.
10/7/09  - 190 lbs - NOT 9 months pregnant.. 4 1/2 years after my 3rd child was born.
3/3/10   - 184 lbs - starting weight for my first Biggest Loser Challenge.. I didn't record my results.
1/4/11     - 180 lbs - "Beginning Measurements" listed in my book.. what for though, I'm not sure.
1/20/12  - 176 lbs - start of my 2nd Biggest Loser Challenge
3/16/12  - 165 lbs - end of Biggest Loser, Thanks to SparkPeople for your free food tracker!
4/20/12  - 168 lbs - I'm struggling to maintain.. let alone drop the rest of what I want to drop..

Obviously my stint with Weight Watchers worked GREAT!  Too bad my doctor told me, being pregnant and all, that it would be a good idea to start gaining some weight.. *sigh*  Read that with the "Real" - Too bad I took what my doctor said as a free pass to gain weight by eating whatever I wanted.

So, my problem is that I ... *sigh* The problem is that I don't put ME before myself.  That makes no real sense, unless you've been there.  I let my emotions drive my eating.  I impulse eat with any emotion, ANY emotion.  And the worst part is that once I eat something I know I shouldn't, I get so angry with myself that I punish myself by Eating More!  The last couple weeks have been very on-again/off-again.  I am so TIRED of getting started AGAIN.. Tired of doing so well and staying on track only to go back to my bad habits

Yesterday was a particularly bad day.  I gave in to boredom, to temptation.. and then to the disappointment of giving in.  I'm weak.  I have no real willpower.  And.. this is part of the real problem.  I am Fantastic at putting myself down.  That needs to change.

Workout Girl, a Facebook friend that I've never met, posted yesterday morning that "..it's May. I need to pull my head out of Angry Fat Girl's butt and 1) stop eating like crap, 2) stop making excuses, and 3) GET MOVING!!" (http://www.facebook.com/goworkoutgirl)
In the moments after reading that post, I did NOT eat a piece of chocolate.  I chewed a piece of gum.  Three hours later, home with the kids.. and the food.. I ate NERDS. And Cheetos.

So. It's May.  I need to 1) stop eating crap, 2) stop making excuses, and 3) Respect ME enough to take care of ME.  Official goals for May:  Add two "weight" exercises to my week (I work at home in that department.. so Pinterest here I come to find some core and legs/rear workouts).  Add daily yoga (at least 15 min at the end of the day to find my calm). Drop 6 pounds (that's 1.5 a week.. and I refuse to "lose" it because I refuse to "find" it again!).
It's time.. again.
Workout Girl - We've GOT THIS!!