The following is not the original post. This mamma overreacted to a very upset, and a bit over-dramatic nine year old. I wrote in haste, but I'm not sorry for overreacting. I would rather be the kind of mother that overreacts than the kind of mother that downplays events that are upsetting to my child. Yes, I should have talked more to her before writing. The point I was trying to make remains the same.. I'll hopefully do a better job of making that point this time around.
Being a kid is tough. This nine to ten year old range .. where everyone is "coming into their own" and finding their "place in life" is rough on kids. I hate having to see my kids going through the struggle of growing up. I hate not being able to take their pain away. I hate knowing that MY kids are being picked on. I Hate It. And the worst part is, I'm pretty confident that it's not going to get easier for a while.. We've not yet entered the teenage years..
My daughter is a bright, funny nine year old who loves to dance and draw and learn. She's got a knack for writing some pretty creative short stories full of detail and is pretty open to anything "girl." I'm probably a bit biased, but what mother isn't. I also know that she can be very headstrong and uncooperative at times. She's never really had a problem making friends.. so, when she came to me and to her father last week saying that she felt like she only has two friends in her small class, we were concerned. When she wasn't feeling better a few days later.. When she, in tears, told us about her day, we were concerned.
She'd had some problems with a couple classmates making comments to her and the two friends mentioned for some time. We have talked, my husband and I explained about ignoring them.. not giving them the pleasure of knowing they'd upset her and her friends.. advice given by other parents and teachers as well. We encouraged her to talk to us ANY time she needed to. "Ignore them" and "It will pass" only offer up so much comfort to nine year old girls though. The comments from those classmates, coupled with a fight with another friend became too much for her, and she broke down. Suddenly she "only had two friends." Little things became big things.. but, some of those little things continue to happen. She overreacted.. she's been known to do that. But, when you hear hurtful comments and get dirty looks on a fairly regular basis, who wouldn't overreact.
After hearing and seeing her so upset, stories of all the young children bullied at school rushed forward. It was just a flash, a gasp of "what if".. Stories of children who felt it was better not to live because of how they were treated at school. Stories of parents who felt their children were handling things, but were blindsided by the gravity of the situation. I Do NOT want to be one of those parents. I feel Very confident that my children will be able to work out any problems that come their way and that they'll come to us when they need help. I honestly don't feel the need to be concerned for their safety, but neither did those other parents.
Before you read more into that, I don't mean to make a bad week at school sound like we're on the verge of something so dark.. I am not saying that. I only mean to say listen to what your children are saying to you. Listen and, yes, take the time to find out exactly what is going on. Listen and truly hear what they are saying and take the actions that are needed. Take your children's concerns seriously. Bullying comes in many forms and can be found anywhere, at any age. I know that what my daughter and her friends are going through is nowhere Near the levels other kids experience. But I also know that, as a parent, any bullying is too much.
When she was feeling at her lowest, as I tucked my daughter into bed.. I leaned over to give her a hug and a kiss, tell her I loved her. I wrapped her blanket up around her and scooted her pillow over so it wasn't hanging off the bed. I reminded her, again, that her bed was for her and not all her stuffed animals and dolls.. "I know, but they're my friends. I can tell them my secrets... and they aren't mean to me."
My heart broke for her. What mother wouldn't want to take action at that point?
It was after that comment that I wrote the first post.. I hurt for my daughter, and I wrote out my worries... I should have waited to learn more, but I was a mother reacting. Things have been better at school. The light that was gone for a time has returned...
And still, my point is the same..
Listen, Hear, take the time to understand, and do what needs to be done to protect your children.
Please, don't pick on my girl. She's a great girl who's just trying to find her place and stand up for her friends in this crazy world, full of change and adjustments, she's living in.
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